


In Case You Didn't Know

by dvg



Series: Robron, Seb, Olivia & Noah [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:55:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25692421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvg/pseuds/dvg
Summary: the sequel to "You are the Reason"As Aaron and Robert endure more personal tragedies, it's more apparent than ever that they just can't get through life without the other. As if they didn't know that before.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: Robron, Seb, Olivia & Noah [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863052
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

Aaron had only been gone three days and Robert had realized several things.

He hated changing diapers.

Olivia was a cranky toddler.

Seb was five going on fifteen with an attitude that was quickly testing his patience.

Seb liked to exercise his right to use the word “no” every chance he got, which was turning out to be too frequent for his liking.

And Aaron was never allowed to leave again.

He had to choose his battles. And today's was trying to keep his sanity intact. Olivia had been crying nonstop all morning and refused to eat. Seb was currently making a destruction zone out of his room and refusing to brush his teeth.

“Seb, I’m not going to ask you again. Clean up this mess and go brush your teeth. We’re already late as it is.”

Seb ignored his dad and just kept playing with the massive amount of toys that littered the floor in his room.

“Seb!” Robert raised his voice more then he intended to, but he was losing his patience, which only made Olivia cry more.

_ Shit, _ Robert muttered under his breath. He was not cut out for the life of a single parent, even if it was temporary.

“You made her cry,” Seb said.

“Well if you would do what you were told I wouldn’t have had to raise my voice like that.” Robert was trying his best, but he could feel his patience slipping. “We have to get going or you’re going to be late for school.”

“I don’t want to go,” Seb said.

“You have to.”

“But I don’t want to.”

Becoming frustrated, Robert ran a hand through his hair and looked at Olivia who had found a crayon on the floor and was making her own art on the wall. He scooped her up before she could do any more damage. “Seb, I’m at my wits end here. I have to get you to school and Olivia to daycare. I have a lot of errands to run. We’re already late so grab your bag and let’s go. You can clean up this mess when you get home.”

Seb sighed. “I don’t know what the big deal is, it’s just one day. Can’t I just come with you?”

“Seb, you can’t miss school. Your teacher and all your friends will miss you. And I need to be at the scrap yard to help out while Daddy Aaron is gone, then I have to run to the store and get some groceries so the three of us don’t starve to death.”

The temper and distress in Seb’s eyes ceased. “Fine, I’ll go to school. I wish Dad was here,” Seb muttered as he grabbed his bag from his bed that was still unmade.

“Me too,” Robert said under his breath as he followed Seb downstairs.

* * *

By the time he had dropped Seb off at school and parked in front of Olivia’s daycare, he realized he had forgotten her diaper bag at home and had to circle all the way to grab it, making him even farther behind schedule.

“You look terrible.”

He had come into the pub for some peace and quiet and a drink before picking the kids up, not to be mocked, especially from his sister. “Olivia kept me up half the night. Molars coming in. And Seb well he refused to go to school. While trying to convince him to change his mind Olivia decided to take a crayon to the wall.”

Genuinely concerned, Vic sat across from him. “Well, you definitely look knackered.”

Robert stared blankly into his empty glass. “Don’t you dare tell Aaron any of this. I will never hear the end of it.”

Victoria laughed. “No one ever said having kids was going to be easy.”

“I told him I could handle it but clearly I can’t.” Robert sighed, hid a yawn with his hand.

“Why don’t you let me take them off your hands for the night so you can get some proper rest. You look like you need it.”

“Thanks,” Robert muttered. “I can’t let you do that. I promised Aaron I could handle this on my own. The last thing he needs to hear right now is that I’m failing at it.”

“You’re not failing,” Vic said. “Trust me, you’re anything but. You’re a great dad. Aaron would be the first one to tell you that.”

“Yeah but he does this all the time. He’s the one waking up the kids, making them breakfast, getting them dressed and out the door without fail. I can’t even manage that without something going wrong. Two days in a row I’ve forgotten something, and I end up being late and it just throws everything else off. He never forgets anything.”

“I doubt that. He’s not perfect you know. I’m sure he forgets stuff too.”

“Unlikely.”

“You think he’s perfect because that’s all you see. I’m sure there are plenty of days he struggles too. But he probably just doesn’t show it because he doesn’t want you to think what you’re thinking about yourself now.”

“They drive me crazy, but I love them. Even when they make me want to pull my hair out."

“Rob, no one doubts you love those kids. You need to stop beating yourself up about it.”

“Aaron’s should be calling soon. I better go get the kids.”

“Go pick them up and I'll stop by to get them after dinner. They can stay the night and you can get some sleep. I’m not taking no for an answer,” she said before he could come up with another excuse. “I mean it Rob or I’m telling Aaron.”

“Fine. I’ll text you later.”

* * *

Spaghetti was everywhere. The floor, the table, the kid's faces. It was a miracle they had gotten any in their mouths at all.

Robert’s shirt was covered in pasta sauce and drenched in the water when Vic came through the front door.

“You’re not supposed to wear your dinner Rob,” Vic commented with a smirk.

“Blame these two hooligans. They prefer to throw their food around instead of eating it.”

“Dad had to give her a bath,” Seb informed his aunt. “She was covered in it.”

“You should talk,” Robert told him. “She’s not the only reason I just spent half an hour cleaning up in there. The floor, the walls, the table.”

“You should just chill,” Seb said.

Vic tried not to smile. Robert had no clue how much his son had taken after him. “Well, why don’t we let daddy get some rest and you come back to my house for the night.”

“He misses Dad,” Seb told her as he pulled on his jacket.

“I’m sure he does.” Vic took the diaper bag and suitcase from Robert, met his eyes. “Just take it easy, would ya? I’ve got this covered for the night. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Robert watched them go and leaned against the door. He’d told himself he could do this, but he hadn’t been prepared for all the hard work, all of the discipline that it took to take care of two tiny humans that were currently trying to destroy every inch of sanity he had left.

And it was only day three. He still had four more days to get through.

* * *

It was late and quiet when Aaron rang him.

“How’s Liv doing?” Robert asked him as he settled in bed, pulled the covers up, and desperately wished Aaron was there beside him.

“She’ll be released tomorrow. She’s getting back to her normal turbulent self, shouting out orders and being surly to the hospital staff. Carter’s in with her now so I’m back at the hotel. How are the kids?”

“They’re fine.”

“And you?”

“I’m fine too.”

“Liar.”

“What?”

“I can tell by the way you say ‘fine’ that you’re not  _ fine _ . What’s going on?”

Aaron knew him better than anyone, there was no point in trying to hide anything from him.

Aaron listened as Robert relayed the day’s adventures. He tried not to laugh. “They are your kids, so I’m not surprised they throw tantrums and try to get their own way.”

“Hey,” Robert said, trying to act offended.

Aaron ignored that. “So, are they asleep now?”

“Actually Vic took them for the night. She thinks I need to take a break.” He rolled his eyes. “I hate admitting it but I’m not like you. You know all the right things to do, all the right things to say. You’re a great dad and until I had to do everything on my own I didn’t realize how good you are with them.”

“You’re a great Dad, stop that. And if it looks like I’m good with them it’s because I have a partner who helps me, who should stop beating himself up.”

Robert knew Aaron would know just what to say to make him feel better. “I love them to death but man they drove me up the wall today. But now that they’re gone the house is so quiet.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts because it won’t be long until the house will be full of screeching cries and tantrums again.”

“But you’re not back for four days,” Robert teased.

“Very funny. I can see you don’t miss me at all.”

“Don’t even start.”

“What?”

“You’re the one that misses me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Oh really? What’s with your text earlier then hmm?.  _ Oh, I wish you were here. My bed is lonely without you _ .”

“You said it first.”

“And I meant it. It's weird not having you beside me when I fall asleep. Which feels weird to say considering I spent a year in prison."

“This is the longest we’ve been apart since you got out.”

This morning he had woken up in cold sweats, shaking, heart pounding, reaching for Aaron, and when he remembered Aaron was gone, he had stumbled to the bathroom and thrown cold water on his face, relieved when the horror of the nightmare subsided.

They stayed on the phone talking for almost an hour before Robert started to drift off.

“Go to sleep,” Aaron said.

“Okay. Love you."

“Love you too. Now go to bed and dream about me.”

“In your dreams."


	2. Chapter 2

“I accidentally put gum in Olivia’s hair.”

Every morning had its own dramatic excitement, and today was no exception.

Robert had just gotten out of the shower and was trying to get dressed when his son walked into his room, with an innocent expression that had Robert shaking his head and wondering what Seb had done now.

The kid was turning into a little tyrant, a mirror image of him at that age, and the defiance in his eyes was just another reminder that Seb was turning out to be just like his father.

God help them.

“You put gum in Olivia’s hair,” Robert repeated. “You better be joking.”

Seb just shook his head, shrugged his shoulders. “It was an accident I said. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I can’t leave you alone for five seconds,” Robert muttered as he grabbed his jacket and walked down the hall to Olivia’s room, and braced himself.

And there, standing up in her crib with the saddest expression he’d ever seen, was his daughter with a big wad of pink gum stuck in her beautiful blonde curls.

“Poor baby,” Robert said as he picked her up and attempted to take the gum out, which only earned him wailing cries.

It was just another day in the Sugden-Dingle household where everything went sideways, and schedules had to be adjusted. Robert was overwhelmed as he juggled kids, the house, and his career.

Not only did he have the scrapyard to oversee while Aaron was away, but he had his own business to worry about.

It had been an opportunity to good to pass up when Jimmy had approached him last year about investing in a local winery that was facing bankruptcy. An elderly couple had built the company from the ground up shortly after they got married and they had run it successfully for over thirty years, but they were getting on in age and they had slowly let the business and profits plummet. After taking a thorough look into the business and future projections, Robert bought the whole operation, and with Jimmy as his partner, they’d been running it smoothly for the past ten months.

Olivia let out a stream of faint, incoherent cries as Robert worked the gum out of her hair. After the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream down her face.

* * *

Robert made his way to the café, which was already bustling with the early lunch rush.

There were patrons hunched over laptops, checking their phone obsessively, files spread out around them.

Robert found an empty table by the window and ordered a muffin and Americano grande. The barista, young with fiery red hair, smiled at him. One of her favorite customers. “Alone today?” she asked as she wrote down his order.

“My husband left me,” he said coolly. “Don’t suppose you’re interested in mending a broken heart?”

Mara just grinned because she knew he was teasing her, and nudged his shoulder. Everyone around town knew there was no one Robert had eyes for but his husband, even when he was hundreds of miles away. “Aaron would kill you if he heard you say that to me.”

“You’re right. He’s got a mean temper. I better be careful.”

“But you love him anyway.”

“It’s not an unattractive trait of his,” Robert smiled.

“Do you expect him home soon?”

Robert rubbed his sore temples. “A few days. Liv is home from the hospital now and doing fine. She’ll be in a cast for a while but she’s got her boyfriend there to look in on her. I think Liv is getting tired of Aaron being there, hovering like big brothers do. He can be….”

“Overprotective, stubborn…”

Robert laughed because that described Aaron perfectly. Mara was a friend of the family so it didn’t surprise him that she had picked up on his quirks. “Just to name a few of his more adorable qualities.”

“It’s definitely weird seeing you come in here without him.”

Everything felt out of place with Aaron gone.

He drank his coffee, took a bite from the muffin Mara placed in front of him before she walked away to help another customer. At the table behind him, he heard a girl gushing to her friend about her date the night before.

He pulled out his phone from the pocket of his leather jacket. No new message from Aaron, but there was a missed call from Rebecca, but no message. He would call her when he got back to the office. 

He felt a flush of victory that he had a few minutes of peace, which was becoming more and more fleeting these days.

But even that didn't last.

His phone rang again and he was dragged back to reality. He didn’t recognize the number so he knew it wasn’t Aaron, whose voice he really needed to hear after the day he was having. “Hello?”

“Mr. Sugden?” a male voice asked.

“Yes,” he answered cautiously.

“Mr. Sugden, my name is Officer Frank Whinsen. I’m calling about Rebecca White. You’re listed as her emergency contact.”

A flash of panic hit him right in the gut. “Is she okay?”

The next words blew his life apart.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but she passed away this morning.”

The color drained from his face. He tried to shield the shock with denial. “No, that can’t be. Her son just talked to her this morning. She is supposed to be here tomorrow to visit him.”

Seb and Rebecca had spoken on the phone just that morning, making plans. Seb couldn’t wait to show her all of his art projects from school and his new toys. 

She had been in recovery for eighteen months and was slowly getting her life back on track. She’d only had one relapse and that was months ago.

Robert’s thoughts drifted to Seb and how he was going to handle this.

Not well, Robert knew. He worshiped Rebecca. Despite the distance between their visits, Seb still loved her, still treasured every moment they spent together when Rebecca was sober and remembered she had a son.

“She was involved in an accident on the highway just outside of Liverpool. Unfortunately, Ms. White was pronounced dead on the scene.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to. “I don’t know what to say. I’m a bit in shock right now.”

“I completely understand, Mr. Sugden. We are still in the middle of our investigation, but based on the evidence at the scene and the report from the hospital, Ms. White’s blood-alcohol level was above the legal limit.”

She had been driving drunk. Robert hated to admit that it didn’t surprise him, but said nothing. What good would it do now? Rebecca was dead and Seb was going to be devastated. “Was anyone else hurt?”

“There were no other vehicles involved. Mr. Sugden, there is some paperwork that we need you to sign before the hospital can release her body. Is there any way you can make it down here?”

Robert cursed under his breath. He had a million things on his plate, and it looked like he had just added one more. And this one was unfixable. “I’ll have to tell Seb, that’s our son. He needs to know about his mum.”

“I wouldn’t recommend bringing the kids with you. This is a very difficult situation and I really am sorry.”

“My husband is out of town, so I’ll have to make arrangements for the kids. I’ll give you a call back once I have everything sorted.” Robert jotted down the officer’s number and after hanging up, called Aaron.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked him.

“I just got a call from the police. Rebecca died this morning in a car accident. She was intoxicated and crashed. I have to get to Liverpool to sign some paperwork and deal with things there.”

“Shit, Rob I’m sorry. I already have most of my stuff packed, I’ll just drop by and say bye to Liv then I’ll be on the next plane.”

“How am I going to tell Seb his mum is gone? Aaron, I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You don’t have to do it alone. Call Vic, see if she can come stay with you and the kids until I get home.”

“I don’t want to bother her. She’s already done enough for me this week.”

“She’s family, Robert. And she would kill you if she found out you didn’t call her. If things were reversed, I know you would be there for her, no questions.”

Robert sighed. Aaron was always right. “Okay, I’ll call her.” 

“I love you, I’ll be home soon.”

Robert was riddled with guilt as he left the café. Just a few hours ago he had been frustrated with Seb who was constantly defying him. But he was just a kid, he didn’t know any better, and now he had to tell him that his mum wasn’t coming and he would never see her again.

He could count the times on one hand that Rebecca had seen Seb since she had handed over custody to him and Aaron over two years ago. She had been on a downward spiral into addiction that she had never completely been freed from. The few rare occasions Rebecca had made time to visit Seb, she was always on something, and Robert and Aaron had done their best to shield Seb from her problems, and now they would have to shield him from the truth. It would just hurt Seb if he knew his mum had an addiction to drugs and alcohol, and right now he was still too young to understand.

Everything was a tangled mess, and it wasn’t going to be easy to unravel.

* * *

“Robert, I am so sorry.” With Harry perched on her hip, Vic walked into the front door of the Mill to find her brother pacing the living room.

“Seb is upstairs playing in his room without a care in the world. How the hell am I going to go up there and just tear his world apart?” Robert ran a hand through his hair.

“You’re not going to do it alone. I’m here for you.” Vic rubbed his arm. “Where’s Olivia?”

“Chas is watching her. It’s better if she’s not here when I tell Seb.”

“And Aaron is on his way home?”

Robert looked at his watch. “He should be here in a few hours. He managed to get the last seat on the next flight.”

Seb came running down the stairs, full of energy, with no idea that his world was about to fall apart. “Daddy Aaron is coming home. Did Dad tell you?” he asked Vic.

“Yes, he did. You seem just a little bit excited. I know you miss him a lot,” Vic said carefully, letting Robert lead the conversation at his own pace.

“And my mum is coming tomorrow! I’m going to show her all my new drawings and the new train set that my dads got me for Christmas.”

“Seb, buddy, we have to talk.” He was about to break his son’s heart and it killed him inside. He didn’t know where to start or what to say. He wished Aaron was here. He would know the right thing to say, how to soothe Seb when the news would finally hit him. Robert wasn't good at that sort of thing. Delivering bad news was not his forte.

Seb’s bottom lip quivered. “She’s not coming, is she? Like last time.”

Rebecca had never been good at keeping her promises to Seb, leaving Robert and Aaron to pick up the pieces and mend their son's broken heart. Robert wasn’t sure if there was anything either of them were going to be able to do to help this time.

Robert pulled Seb onto his lap, stroked his hair. “No, she’s not coming. Something happened and she’s….”

“Is she sick again?” Seb asked.

“Not exactly. Seb, your mum, she was in an accident,” Robert said carefully.

Tears were already cascading down Seb’s cheeks. “Is she back in the hospital?”

Robert hung his head, trying to get the courage to deliver the worse news to a five-year-old. “Seb, she was in a car accident.” He pulled Seb close before he spoke again. “She sustained some injuries because of the accident and she….” He couldn’t do this. With his arm around his son, Robert broke down and covered his face with his hands.

“Seb, honey.” Vic reached over and squeezed his hand. “Your mum, she really wanted to come see you, but because of the accident she was really hurt and she was taken to the hospital. She didn’t make it. Baby, I’m sorry.”

“No.” Seb plugged his ears, hoping it would make the truth disappear. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. She’s coming to see me. She promised. She promised.”

“Seb,” Robert said.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. You just don’t want me to see her. You’re a liar and I hate you!” 

Robert watched as Seb ran up the stairs, tears flushing down his cheeks, and his heart broke. There was no amount of comfort or peace he could offer Seb when his emotions too were all over the place.

He felt helpless, and that killed him. He should have been able to make this better, help ease the pain somehow, but he couldn't.

He needed Aaron here to help him through this. His heart broke for his son, and what they were all about to endure.

“He didn’t mean it,” Vic tried to reassure him. “He’s just upset. Let’s just let him cool down a bit then we’ll go talk to him.”

“I need Aaron here.”

“He’ll be here soon. Robert, you’re doing fine. Telling your child that their mother has died is one of the hardest things I’ve ever seen you do, and you’ve gone through a lot especially these last few years. I’m so proud of you and Aaron would be too.”

“Thanks, Vic. I’ll just feel better when he’s home and we can help Seb get through this together. He’s going to need all of us.”


	3. Chapter 3

If only Rebecca hadn’t spiraled into drugs and alcohol, then he wouldn’t be here, staring at her lifeless body. He wouldn’t have been forced to tell their son that she was never coming back.

Dead. 

Rebecca was dead.

Was he partly to blame? Should he have done more to try and help her?

He swallowed back a dose of guilt.

_ Calm down. Just calm the hell down. This isn’t your fault. You tried to help her, but she refused it _

Robert couldn’t breathe and had to gasp for air. His throat clogged with grief, pain, and a deep, intense fury. Every muscle was tense and his nerves were strung as tight as piano wire.

He was angry at Rebecca for abandoning their son and forcing him to be here, a place that still haunted him. It reminded him of all the painful memories of his own incarceration.

He had sworn to himself he would never end up back in a police station, but he reminded himself that this wasn't about him, he had done nothing wrong _. You’re here for Seb, to take care of things concerning Rebecca. You always promised you would take care of her. _

He exchanged pleasantries with the two police officers who gestured him to a chair. The room he’d been escorted into smelled of stale coffee and cigarette smoke. The dark walls were confining like a prison, making him feel claustrophobic in an already stressful situation and only intensified his frayed nerves.

There were a million other places he'd rather be. He should be home with Seb, making sure he got through one of the most traumatic times of his life, not here making small talk with cops who for them this was just a routine job.

This was his life and it was slowly falling apart. Again.

_ Aaron's with him,  _ he reminded himself. He wasn't worried, he knew Aaron would help get Seb through this mess. His love was unwavering, and he knew how to make Seb feel calm and was resilient while he knew he tended to lash out of frustration and anger. They balanced each other out, they each had their own strengths, their own jobs to do, and his was to deal with Rebecca's affairs, whether he wanted to or not.

He looked around the cramped room and cursed under his breath as it brought back unpleasant memories of being interrogated in a room just like this before being ultimately locked up.

His knees were shaking as he sat down in a creaky metal chair and listened as the officers explained every horrible detail of Rebecca’s last moments.

He just wanted to get this over with and go back to his family. They needed him.

He dragged his gaze away from the hands clenched in his lap and met their eyes. “I already identified her body and I’ve signed all the paperwork you’ve thrown in front of my face. And look no offense but police stations make me extremely uncomfortable.”

“We’re aware of your prior time in prison,” the officer in charge, Jim, according to the tag pinned to his uniform, said. He was tall, bald, and appeared overpowering which Robert could only assume worked in his favor in making criminals sweat, which he imagined this man doing on a daily basis. “This won’t take but a few more minutes, then you’re free to go.” He flipped through the papers inside the file folder in front of him. “Ms. White had been arrested three nights ago for driving under the influence and for possession of cocaine. She was released after a night in jail. As well as getting caught with three grams of cocaine in the glove compartment of her vehicle, when she was pulled over the officer found her cradling a nearly-empty bottle of whiskey.”

What had driven her into the arms of alcohol and cocaine? he wondered. When had Seb not become important enough for her to get help?

How the hell was he going to explain this to Seb? What could he say that would make this any easier for Seb to accept when he still couldn’t wrap his head around it himself?

The interview was over almost before we had even begun, though to Robert it had seemed like a lifetime. They asked him a few routine questions before Jim shoved more paperwork in Robert’s general direction.

Then they handed him a bag with the few items found in Rebecca’s car. Her jacket that had been on the passenger seat, a charm bracelet that had fallen in between the seats that had a charm with an “S” on it which Seb had given to her last Christmas, and a picture of Seb that had been found in the glove box.

His heart tugged painfully. For Seb, for the pain his little boy would feel for years to come. Rebecca, who never managed to get the help she so desperately had needed to turn her life around.

The drive up to Liverpool he’d held onto a small glimmer of hope that the police were wrong, that it wasn’t Rebecca that they had pulled from the wreck. It was that little bit of hope that had been dashed the minute he stepped inside that cold room and had to identify Rebecca’s body. He could no longer hide behind the possibility that this was all just a mistake.

As he exited the police station and got into his car to go back to the hotel, he realized for the first time what they were about to face as a family. It was a reflection on how far they had come in the past two years after enduring so much heartache and pain. Getting out of prison early, reuniting with Aaron, two things he had never imagined in his wildest dreams would happen. Then he got Seb back, then his life became complete when Olivia arrived, just another dream that had seemed so out of reach when he'd been in prison.

Life had been so uncomplicated and perfect. For a while.

But now everything had changed in the blink of an eye again. But this time he would be there for his family. He wouldn’t let them down again.

Life wasn't always going to be easy, he knew that sometimes it was happy and sometimes it was rough. But with every up and down there was a lesson that would make you strong.

It didn’t matter how he felt about Rebecca, she was Seb’s mum, and now she was gone, and Seb would suffer for years because of it. The anguish and torment of losing a parent never went away. Robert’s number one concern now was helping Seb through it. Robert was already anticipating the anger, the fear, the grief. It would come in waves.

They would be there for him, him and Aaron and Olivia, whatever Seb needed, but Robert knew from his own experience that losing a mum was one of the deepest sorrows a heart could endure, even a mum that had drifted in and out of her son's life who had never shown any concern for his well-being. Robert could count on his one hand the number of times Rebecca had seen Seb in the past two years, but grief didn't know the difference between time and space.

_ I have to go back home and tell my son that his mum is gone, that he’s never going to see her again. I don’t even know what to say. _

* * *

The night was clear, and a million stars filled the sky. Aaron should have felt some sort of peace, but he didn’t, not when Rebecca had just died and Seb was having nightmares, and Olivia was teething.

It had been a long night, and Aaron knew they were looking at a lot more of those down the road with Rebecca's death now at the forefront.

Robert had been gone for two days and Aaron was struggling. Between balancing work and the house, and trying to keep Olivia from getting into everything and Seb having trouble sleeping, Aaron was exhausted.

Tonight was going to be another sleepless night. But he couldn't worry about that now, Seb was his concern.

Seb was torn between denial and anger, and Aaron couldn’t blame him, and it made him feel helpless. There was nothing he could say that would bring Rebecca back, as much as he wished he could, and there were no words that he could offer Seb to make him feel better. Grief was overwhelming, he knew that from his own experience, but Seb was only five and he hadn't come to terms with it yet, he didn't fully understand what this all meant.

As Aaron squinted in the darkness, he saw Seb’s silhouette on the couch, clutching a stuffed giraffe, one of the last presents Rebecca had given him. Her last visit had been two months ago, and she had bolted almost immediately, insisting that a work emergency had come up that she couldn't get out of. Aaron had known better, but never uttered a word as he hadn't wanted to upset Seb. It frustrated him, the way she treated Seb as an inconvenience. She only made an effort to see him when it was convenient for her when it didn't interfere with her life. Now he hated himself for being angry with her because she was gone and he knew more than anybody how hard it was to fight inner demons and win.

Her visits had become further and few between the past year, and Aaron had always been afraid of the way it would impact Seb. Aaron would have done anything to have been able to protect Seb from the cold truth, but there was nothing he could do to shield him from this.

Aaron was still half asleep the exhaustion was slowly taking its toll. He had managed to get Olivia back to sleep, but he had a feeling it was going to be harder to convince Seb to go back to bed.

Without a word, he sat on the couch and pulled Seb to his side and reminded himself to be gentle with his words, his tone.

“Seb, it’s almost midnight, are you sure you don’t want to go back up to bed?”

“I can’t sleep.” Seb just clutched the giraffe tighter. “Do you think Dad will come home soon?” He was still firm in his belief that this was all just a mistake, a terrible mistake, that his dad would come home and his mum would be with him and she would cover him in kisses and promise never to leave him again.

“I hope so,” Aaron said, kissing the top of Seb’s forehead. “You know no matter what happens your dad and I are here for you. You won’t go through this alone. I know right now it’s hard to think about, and I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better.”

“You could tell me that this is all a dream, that…” Seb’s lower lip trembled. “That mum isn’t dead.”

“I really wish I could, buddy. I would give anything to be able to tell you that, but we have to prepare ourselves. Your dad is out there right now trying to find out what happened.”

Seb started to cry, tears burning down his wet, cold cheeks. “We were supposed to go to the zoo. She promised. Why does she always break her promises?”

This wasn’t supposed to happen, Aaron thought. Not like this. When they had taken in Seb two years ago, they had both prayed that Rebecca would get the help she needed. Whatever resentment he had felt towards her at the end, for all the missed visits, all the times she broke her word and shattered Seb’s heart, Aaron refused to ever utter a single bad word about Rebecca, especially in front of Seb.

Now he just felt sad. Sad for Seb, having to watch Seb suffer like this. Seb would have to grow up without his mum in his life, and Aaron didn’t think there was anything in the world more heartbreaking for a five year older than that.

Aaron used his thumb to wipe the tears on his son’s face. Seb’s innocent little heart was trying so hard to hold onto every shred of hope he could grasp onto.

Seb laid his head against Aaron’s shoulder, needing the comfort and warmth that Aaron offered. Aaron was always there for him, he never had to worry that he would be abandoned or left on his own.

“Don’t leave me,” Seb sobbed against Aaron’s shoulder.

“Seb, I’m never going to leave you. That’s something you never need to worry about, okay? And your dad won’t either. You’re stuck with the both of us for a long time.”

“Okay.” Seb’s voice was shaky, but he felt calmer with Aaron’s arm wrapped around him and the smell of Aaron’s aftershave soothed him. He closed his eyes when he had no tears left to cry.

Aaron covered them in a blanket and had barely shut his eyes himself when his cell phone chirped, then vibrated. He kept his voice low so he wouldn’t wake Seb. The kid had barely gotten any sleep since they got the news about Rebecca, he wasn’t going to risk waking him up now.

“Hey,” he whispered into the phone. “Seb’s finally sleeping.” Aaron carefully untangled himself from Seb without disturbing him.

“This is such a mess,” Robert said. Then he sighed.

“There’s no mistake then.”

“No, it was Rebecca. I had to identify her body, then I spent the rest of the day at the police station.”

Aaron could only imagine how hard that must have been for Robert, having to walk back into a place that still gave him nightmares.

Aaron rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. He won’t sleep in his bed. He’s scared, Rob. I let him sleep with me in our bed and for a while, it seemed to help him, but then Olivia woke up and he cried and wouldn’t let go of my leg. I looked ridiculous holding Olivia, trying to sing her back to sleep with Seb wrapped around my ankles.”

“What were you singing?”

“You are my Sunshine, what else?”

A smile crept across Robert's face as he imagined his husband singing to their daughter with their son attached to his leg. Despite the sadness and severity of the situation they were currently in, the image still brought a smile to his face. He never took his family for granted, and he couldn't wait to get home to them. “Did it work?”

“It put Olivia back to sleep, but Seb ran down the stairs. I found him curled up on the couch. He was just staring into space clutching that giraffe that Rebecca brought him the last time she was here. As soon as I sat down, he grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let go. He’s so scared he’s going to lose the both of us, too. I hate what this is doing to him, and this is only the beginning. It’s only going to get harder.”

"He's lucky to have you, Aaron. I've spent all day feeling guilty for being here, thinking I should be home with him. I left him when he needed me before, I didn't want to do it again."

"It wasn't your fault, Rob. And Seb needs us both right now, he needs us to be strong for him. Drudging up the past isn't going to help any of us. You've been there for him the past two years, you've rarely left his side. He knows how much you love him."

Robert wondered if Aaron knew how amazing he was, how lucky Robert was to have him. How lucky they all were. He tried to imagine his life without Aaron, and he just couldn't. God, they had been through so much together and building a family, having the kids only intensified his love for Aaron. And here they were again, facing another obstacle. Everywhere they turned, just when they thought life had calmed down, something else always seemed to crop up, throwing a wrench into every plan they had made. But, this was life-altering. Life was never going to be the same for any of them.

"I'm going to try and get some sleep then I'll be home in the morning. Everything is sorted here for now unless they need something else from me."

"Good. We miss you."  _ I miss you, I need you here.  _ Feeling incomplete, like something is missing when they were apart, wasn't new, and he wondered how he ever got through life when Robert was in prison. How had they survived all of that? It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"I miss you guys too. I'll be home as soon as I can."

When he heard the whimpers, Aaron glanced towards the couch where Seb was still curled into a ball. "Seb's starting to toss and turn again. I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight."

"Go take care of our son, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too."

Sleep be damned, Aaron didn't care. He wrapped Seb back up in his arms and rocked him until he fell asleep again.

But Aaron didn't sleep, too scared that if he did he would wake up and everything he held sacred would be gone.


	4. Chapter 4

The day after Rebecca's funeral, Robert sat with Seb on a bench at the park. He had been putting this moment off long enough, Robert thought as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope.

"This letter was found at your mum's place," Robert said carefully, handing Seb the envelope. "It's addressed to you. Do you want to read it?"

Seb's heart clenched in his chest as he stared at the white envelope in his hands, his name written in black ink. He recognized his mum's handwriting. Seb ripped the envelope open and pulled out the single sheet of paper. He handed it to Robert as he couldn't understand all of the words.

Robert took it and started to read.

_ Seb, I know I haven't been the best mum I can be to you, but I'm trying really hard to fix that. I can't wait to see you next week and to hear about all the things you've accomplished this year. Your dad said you're enjoying school and that you have lots of friends and that you're becoming a really good artist. I hope you'll show me some of your drawings when I see you. I'm so proud of you. I hope you're being good for Daddy and Aaron. They love you so much. You're so lucky to have them. I wish I had been there for you more, but I promise you as soon as I'm better I'm going to be the mum you deserve.  _

Seb swiped the sudden string of tears away, grabbed the piece of paper from Robert's hand and crumpled the letter into a ball and hurled it to the ground. 

He didn't want to hear any more. He just wanted her to come back, like she promised. But she never kept her promises. This was just another in a long string of broken promises and lies.

"I don't care what she wrote," Seb said angrily. "She's not coming back, so what's the point?"

"Seb," Robert said softly. "Your mum didn't want to leave you. It was an accident." He had to be careful with what he said these days. One wrong word easily upset Seb, and sometimes he'd just lock himself away up in his room too upset to talk to anyone. He was becoming more and more distant, the impact of losing Rebecca was unbearable and had turned their sweet little boy into a moody and frightened child, who just wanted to be left alone. He was mad at the world, not just Rebecca, and it broke Robert's heart. 

And Aaron was becoming more and more distant. Two days ago, Seb had yelled at him reminding Aaron that he wasn't his dad and he couldn't tell Seb what to do when Aaron tried to discipline him for lashing out at Olivia. Aaron was crawling into his own shell and giving all this attention to Olivia, avoiding Seb and Robert whenever possible.

"She's my child and she needs me," Aaron had said. "At least someone does."

Robert knew Aaron was hurting, they all were, but yelling at each other and placing blame wasn't doing anyone any good. And the distance between Robert and Aaron was becoming far too wide. They had come a long way in the past two years, and now with the aftermath of Rebecca's death, it felt like they were losing each other again, neither of them knowing what to do or how to fix it.

It was not an easy time in the Sugden-Dingle household, and it was going to be a long time before things got back to normal, whatever that was. Robert wasn't sure anymore.

Robert didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to help Seb come to terms with his mum's death or how he could fill the void that it left in Seb's life. He didn't know how to reassure Aaron that Seb didn't mean what he said, that he was just grieving. Even though Aaron told him he was fine that it wasn't a big deal, Robert knew that was a lie. 

"Seb," Robert tried again, "it's okay to be angry, it's okay to be scared. But you getting angry with Olivia and Aaron, it's not fair on them. They don't deserve it. They love you and so do I, and we want to help you but we can't if you keep pushing us away."

"I didn't mean to yell at Aaron," Seb said. "But he yelled at me first."

"Because you yelled at Olivia."

"She was annoying me, and she stole my teddy bear, the one you bought me when you brought me home."

"She's a toddler, Seb. She was just trying to get you to play with her, and she gave you back the teddy, didn't she?"

"Yeah I guess but she still made me mad."

"We've raised you better than that," Robert said. "When someone makes you mad, you talk about it, you don't lash out it only makes the situation worse. Do you remember after your mum's accident and I had to go away for a few days? Aaron stayed home with you and you wouldn't let him out of your sight? He was there for you. He stayed up all night when you couldn't sleep. Do you know why he did all of that for you? Because he loves you and he's always thought of you as his little boy. And that's why it really hurt him when you told him he wasn't your dad."

"I know," Seb said quietly. As long as he could remember, Aaron had always been there for him, and how had he repaid him? The guilt was eating him up inside. "As soon as we get home, I'll tell him I'm sorry."

"Good. I'm proud of you, Seb."

"And I'll try and be nicer to Olivia."

"That's my boy." Robert smiled. "Do you want me to finish reading the rest of the letter?"

"Maybe later." When it didn't hurt so much. "Can I play a little bit before we go back home?"

"Why don't I call Aaron and see if he and Olivia want to come meet us here. You can push Olivia in the swing."

Even though she annoyed him half the time, he adored his little sister. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

They spent the afternoon at the park, just the four of them. It was the first time in weeks Robert saw a genuine smile on Seb's face as he pushed Olivia in the swing as Aaron and Robert watched from the park bench. There was a comfortable silence between them as they watched their kids play and laugh together, something that had been missing since Rebecca's death.

Even Aaron found his smile again, and the sadness had vanished from his eyes as if it had never been there. "I'm sorry about before," Aaron said. "I know I've been really closed off. I just didn't know how to handle everything going on."

"I know Seb hurt you with what he said."

"It did hurt," Aaron admitted. "But I understand where it came from. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him. He's still too young to understand what was really going on with Rebecca, and why she stayed away so long. I know we'll have to tell him when he's older, maybe then it'll make more sense."

"I don't know if it will ever make sense," Robert murmured. It still didn't to him. "I don't get why she didn't get help, especially when she knew she had Seb. It's not like we kept her from seeing him."

"No, you encouraged it. It's not our fault that she went down that path. She had to be the one to take that step to get better, but she didn't. But this is going to affect Seb for the rest of his life."

"But he has us, so he'll be okay. We'll make sure he's okay."

"Yeah, he has us," Aaron murmured, remembering a time when he had been so angry that Rebecca was pregnant with Robert's child, the product of a one-night stand when he had been in prison. He had held onto so much animosity back then, but now everything just seemed to tie together, like it was meant to happen that way despite the heartbreak at the beginning. Now? He wouldn't trade Seb for anything in the world. He was as much Robert's son as his own.

"What are you thinking about?" 

"How upset I was when you first told me Rebecca was pregnant. I said some really cruel things about her, about the baby she was carrying." Aaron glanced over at Seb now, who looked so much older than his five years. "Looking at him now, I can't believe I ever felt that way."

"Was a different time," Robert said. "I remember when I didn't want the baby either because I knew it meant the end of us. But now? Looking back I realize it was the best thing that could have happened to any of us."

"Yeah, it was," Aaron agreed. "God, that seems like a lifetime ago."

Robert smiled, reached for Aaron's hand. "Sometimes I still can't believe how far we've come, everything we've gone through, and the fact that you're still here with me. If it had been you having a baby with another woman, I don't know if I could have been as forgiving or understanding."

"Well, considering that I'm not interested in women that way, it would have been impossible." Aaron laughed. "And you're giving me too much credit."

"No, I'm not. I'm serious, Aaron. If it had been the other way around, I don't know if I could have been so understanding. And the way you've stepped up with Seb? I don't deserve you. I never have."

Seb and Olivia were now covered in sand as they played in the sandbox. Olivia with her toothless grin as she threw sand up in the air and Seb scooping up sand and building a sandcastle. They needed today, Aaron thought. A day for that they could just be carefree, to just be kids. 

"We haven't had much time just the two of us lately," Aaron said, leaning his head against Robert's shoulder. "What do you think about dropping the kids off at my mum's and spending the night together away, just the two of us."

"Yeah," Robert breathed as he caressed Aaron's lips with his own. "I think we need it." The two of them alone in a luxurious hotel room, destroying his husband with his mouth, his body, his hands were too good of a chance to pass up. He couldn't remember the last time they had any time alone. Had it been weeks, a month?

Seb came running up to them, Olivia slowly crawling on the grass behind him. "Really? Do you have to do that in public?" Seb said, covering his eyes. Then he remembered why he was coming to find them. "Can we go get ice cream?"

Aaron broke the kiss, a little embarrassed at being caught by a five-year-old. But then again, Seb was used to seeing them so affectionate with each other. But it still amused him every time Seb rolled his eyes at them when he caught them in a private moment.

"Yeah, let's go," Robert said, standing up and wrapping an arm around Seb's shoulders. 

"Dadadada," Olivia wailed. 

Aaron scooped her up into his arms. "You want ice cream too?"

Olivia clapped her hands excitedly.

* * *

While Robert went up to the counter to order ice cream cones, Aaron, Seb, and Olivia sat at one of the wooden benches outside the ice cream shop.

"Dad," Seb said, trying to get Aaron's attention.

Bouncing Olivia on his lap, Aaron looked at Seb. He would never get tired of hearing Seb calling him  _ dad _ . It meant more to him than he could ever vocalize. "Yeah, Seb?"

"I'm sorry about what I said before, like really. You're the best dad in the world."

Aaron's heart swelled and he smiled. "I know you miss your mum and it's hard. I just don't want you to forget that you have your dad and me and we're not going anywhere. You and me, we're good. I love you, Seb."

"I love you too. And thank you."

"For what?"

"For always taking care of me. I just...I just want you to know."

Aaron ruffled Seb's hair. "You remind me so much of your dad, you know. He always knows just what to say to let me know how much he loves me. And you do for me too, Seb. Never doubt how much we love you, okay? And whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Always."

"I know." Seb still missed his mom, and he knew he always would, but he was tired of crying and being angry all the time. He had a family that loved him and were there for him no matter how many times he acted out or said things that were hurtful. And maybe it would always feel like a part of him was missing, but he had his dad's and he had his little sister, and that made him happy.

He still didn't understand why his mum had to go away, and maybe he never would, but at least he had a family. He wasn't alone.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm looking for Mr. Sugden."

"You found him." With his phone cradled between his ear and shoulder, Robert threw clothes into Olivia's ladybug suitcase and zipped it up. "Who is this?"

"George Wilcox. I'm the attorney for the late Ms. Rebecca White."

The last bloody thing he needed right now, Robert thought, was a call from Rebecca's solicitor.

"Her funeral was yesterday," Robert said as he walked into the bathroom and grabbed toothbrushes, toothpaste, hairbrushes, and threw them into a bag.

"I'm aware of that, Mr. Sugden. I regret that I was unable to attend due to a previous engagement. However, I'm calling you to discuss Ms. White's last wishes."

"Does this have to do with Seb?"

"No." There was a long pause. "This is regarding Ms. White's son."

"Seb is her son."

"No, I think you misunderstand. I'm referring to Ms. White's other son, Noah."

Robert froze, and sat on the toilet seat as he tried to take in what he'd just heard. "Are you sure you're not mistaken? As far as I know, Rebecca only had one child and that's Seb. I'm his father."

"I'm well aware of that as well, Mr. Sugden. Noah is only eight months old. At the time of her death, Ms. White was in the middle of a bitter custody battle with the father. They were sharing joint custody at the time of her death, but the father has since decided to relinquish his rights. I just got the paperwork from his attorney this morning."

All of a sudden Rebecca's strange behavior and all of the last-minute cancellations made perfect sense. He didn't think Seb would find it very comforting to learn the reason she stopped coming to see him was because she had another child that no one knew anything about. "She has another child," Robert repeated. He didn't know what to think or how to process it.

"Rebecca specified in her will that if anything were to happen to her that it was her wish for you and a Mr. Dingle to have guardianship of Noah. Do you know how I can contact him?"

"He's my husband," Robert said shortly, trying not to lose his temper.

"I would like to arrange for you and Mr. Dingle to come down to my office. Obviously there's a lot to talk about and paperwork to sign. We also need to discuss the distribution of Ms. White's estate."

"I assumed if there was anything it would all go to Seb."

"Yes, you would be right. She did leave a huge portion of her estate to Seb, however, she left the remainder to Mr. Dingle and yourself to be used towards the care of her two children."

Robert heard the front door slam and Olivia's wailing cries drifted through the floorboards. He could hear Aaron trying to calm her down with his soothing voice and the promise of a lollipop if she stopped crying. "Look, my family just got home. Send me an email with all the details and when you need to see us and I'll talk to my husband and get back to you."

How the hell had Rebecca kept this from them, especially since she had named them guardians of the kid in her will? He was fuming; not just for him and Aaron, but for Seb. How was he going to react when he found out he had a baby brother? He had already dealt with so much, way more than any five-year-old should have to during his short life. 

Robert could hear the click of a keyboard on the other end of the line. "I'll be in touch," George said, then he hung up.

Robert pocketed his phone and came down the stairs. Olivia raced into his arms and he scooped her up.

"Everything okay?" Aaron asked. He sensed right away that Robert was keeping something from him. He could practically see the wheels turning. They would have to talk about it later. No more secrets, they had promised each other that when Robert had first been released and until now they'd both kept that promise.

Aaron felt a tightening in his chest. Had something happened? He wanted to ask, but Olivia was demanding their attention.

"Yeah," Robert said __ and perched Olivia on his hip. "You ready to go see Nana?"

Olivia was practically bouncing from the walls with excitement. She clapped excitedly as she sucked her thumb.

"I left Seb with Paddy. They were tossing the ball around when I left," Aaron said. "Made a dinner reservation for seven. Unless you've changed your mind?"

"No, of course not. We need this." God knows they did and they deserved tonight. He wouldn't let anything spoil it.

He would put off telling Aaron for one night, Robert decided. What would it hurt?

He was anxious to get it off his chest, to tell Aaron so they could decide what they were going to do, but Rebecca was still a touchy subject between them.

Yeah sure if he wanted to spoil the romantic mood bringing up his ex was a sure-fire way of accomplishing that. But Robert refused to let anything ruin tonight.

Maybe the time alone would lessen the blow when he finally told Aaron the news. Maybe Aaron wouldn't freak out.

Yeah, and maybe pigs could fly.

_ Thanks, Rebecca,  _ he thought.  _ Even from beyond the grave you're ruining my love life _ .

* * *

They decided to skip dinner and went straight to their hotel room. 

"You're gonna pay for that," Robert said as he unlocked the door to their room. "Stroking my thigh like that the whole drive up here."

Aaron just feigned innocence and shrugged. "Can't help it if my husband's so irresistible."

Robert only grinned and shoved Aaron up against the wall before closing the door behind them. His lips attacked Aaron's throat. The room was dark, moonlight crept through the thin curtain, softly, quietly.

It wasn't often they indulged in champagne, but tonight it seemed appropriate. 

Robert grabbed the bottle of champagne from the mini-fridge and pried the cork free. Wine frothed to the lip of the glasses then diminished.

Aaron accepted the flute of champagne. "What's the occasion? We never buy champagne. You don't even like it."

"I can't just want to spoil my husband?"

"I think you're trying to get me drunk so you can have your way with me."

"I've never had to twist your arm," Robert reminded him as he touched the rim of his glass to Aaron's. "If I remember correctly though, you do get a little friskier when you've had a glass or two."

Aaron took his first sip of wine, letting the taste explode on his tongue. "Maybe a bit," he said, and smiled. He recognized the flash and fury of passion that darkened his husband's eyes. Champagne had a strange effect on him, Robert knew it and used it to his advantage any chance he got because nothing turned him on more than when his husband got frisky and let go of his inhibitions.

Fighting for patience, Robert undid the buttons of Aaron's collared shirt. He saw Aaron's lips curve. When was the last time they had had the time to do this? Robert wondered. To just be, just the two of them, away from everything and everyone? Neither of them could remember.

Then suddenly Aaron was crowding him and he lifted Robert's hand to press a small circle of kisses on his wrist. 

Patience was forgotten. There was a hunger in both of them already too long denied. When they tumbled onto the bed, Aaron's hands were already greedily searching to give and to take. Aaron ran his hands over him, absorbing the erotic sensations of the flick of his tongue, the scrape of his teeth, the play of those clever fingertips. 

Later, curled close, they lay still, content to let the hours pass, one lazy second at a time. Aaron's hand skimmed over Robert's thigh, his hips, until their hands linked together.

It was time to ask the question that had been burning at the back of his mind since they had dropped the kids off.

"Are you going to tell me?" Aaron said, tracing a faded scar on Robert's chest with his fingers lazily.

"Tell you what?"

"Don't. I know something's going on. I noticed it at the house earlier."

Robert hesitated, he didn't want anything to ruin tonight, but he knew it was unavoidable. After so many years together, Aaron could read him like a book. And they had made a promise to each other. "We don't need to talk about it now. Let's just enjoy tonight."

"Well, now you're freaking me out even more. Rob, what is it? It can't be worse than what we've been through already."

Robert took a deep breath. "I got a call from Rebecca's solicitor this morning."

Aaron sat up in bed and tugged on his shirt. "What did he say?"

Robert closed his eyes, tried to prepare himself for Aaron's reaction. "He told me that Rebecca has another child. A son. He's eight months old."

Aaron stared at him. "I could have sworn you just said Rebecca has another kid."

"She does. And this next part I don't think you're going to like."

"I didn't even know she was involved with anyone. Did you?"

"No. And from what I hear, she wasn't on good terms with the father."

"Spill it then. What's the next part?"

"It seems that in her Will Rebecca named us as guardians."

"Guardians?" Aaron repeated. "Are you joking?"

Robert shook his head. He wished he was. "Afraid not. The father gave up his rights as of this morning. We have to go to Liverpool to meet with her solicitor."

"I don't believe this. Why didn't you tell me all of this before?"

"I wasn't trying to keep anything from you, I just didn't want it to ruin tonight. You said it yourself we're barely had any time alone, just the two of us. I knew if I brought it up what would happen. I knew you would be upset. And rightfully so. I'm not happy about this either."

"Rob, we already have two kids, and Seb is still coming to terms with Rebecca's death, and Olivia is barely out of diapers. Now you're talking about adding a third kid to the mix?"

"We always said we wanted a football team." Robert's attempt at humor fell flat. Aaron only glared at him. "Sorry, I know not the time for jokes."

Aaron tried to let it all sink in, but it was hard to think when his mind and heart were dragging him in opposite directions. Could he raise another child that wasn't his? 

He wanted to be able to get to a place where he could forgive Rebecca, but right now he just couldn't. How could she just abandon her babies?

Robert saw the change in Aaron's face, a softening, a yielding, and something in his eyes flickered.

"What are you thinking?" Robert said when Aaron stayed silent.

"That this is huge," Aaron said as he paced the room. He walked to the window and looked out, but all he saw was darkness. "I love kids, you know that, but our lives are already hectic. And I'm worried about Seb. He had a hard time with Rebecca always canceling her visits on him. I'm worried about how he's going to react when he finds out he has a little brother. And I just don't get how she could have another child and not say a word to us?"

"I don't know," Robert said. "I don't know where her head was at. If she needed help, why didn't she come to us? Why couldn't she see how much Seb needed her?" That's what upset him the most. And now he and Aaron were left to pick up the scattered pieces of the life she left behind. But Aaron didn't seem as upset as Robert thought he would be, he was being far too rational. "I don't want to go against Rebecca's wishes and I don't want to leave this baby without a family, without a home. But if you're not okay with it, we'll figure something else out."

"I can't tell you that this doesn't scare me, that I'm not upset. But what happened to Rebecca isn't this baby's fault any more than it was Seb's. I can't punish this baby because of my feelings towards Rebecca. I don't think I could that to Seb. This is his brother, his last connection to his mum. This isn't about me, Rob, and this isn't about you. This is about these two kids."

Robert came up behind Aaron, pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "You'd be willing to take on another kid, one that's not yours?"

"Seb is mine. Maybe not biologically, but he's mine in every way that matters. This baby will be too."

Robert caught Aaron's chin in his hand. "He is yours. You've been so amazing with him. And Olivia? You amaze me every day the way you are with her. I don't deserve you."

"Stop." Embarrassed, Aaron swatted Robert's hand away. "You don't have to say all these things to butter me up."

"I'm telling you all of this because it's the truth, and I know that every child we raise will be lucky to have you as their dad."

"I think I need more wine." Aaron reached for the bottle of champagne, filled both their glasses, and handed one to Robert. "I think we're certifiably crazy for even considering doing this."

"You're probably right," Robert agreed. 

Aaron took a moment to gather his thoughts. "But I know I'll hate myself if we don't. We can give that child a home, a family. As angry as I am at Rebecca, she's not here anymore and it just doesn't matter how I feel about her. She'll always be Seb's mum." He paused to sip, to look back. Beside him Robert stared into his glass, watching the bubbles rise. "I remember how mad I was when I first found out she was pregnant with Seb, how angry I was at the both of you, but now I can't imagine my life without Seb in it. And then Olivia came along and I felt like after so many years of heartbreak, I finally had the family I always wanted. And I only ever wanted that with you. This is not the way I pictured us raising a family," Aaron admitted. "But these are the cards we've been dealt, and if I have the chance to raise another child with you, no matter who the biological parents are, it's a blessing."

"Are you saying you want to do this, give this baby a home with us?"

Aaron shifted his glass from one hand to the other, wishing he didn't feel so sure about this. "I think it's important that we do. So yes, I want to do this."

To say Robert was shocked was an understatement. "If I'm honest I expected you to say no. I thought I would have to try and convince you a bit more."

Aaron raised an eyebrow. "And here I thought you knew me so well."

"I just don't want you to feel obligated---"

"I don't. I want this," Aaron assured him. "You're not pressuring me, so please don't think that. It just came as a shock."

"So we doing this, you and me?"

"It's not going to be a walk in the park obviously and it won't be easy, but yeah we're doing this, you and me."

"I'll call her lawyer then, set a meeting up for tomorrow."

* * *

Aaron awoke to the scene of coffee and soap, and the sensation of having his neck nuzzled.

"If you don't wake up," Robert murmured into his ear. "I'm going to have to crawl back into bed with you."

"Hmmm okay," Aaron said on a sigh and snuggled closer.

"Don't tempt me," Robert said. "I already called your mum, she said she can watch the kids until we get back."

"Did you tell her where we were going?"

"I told her we had to meet with Rebecca's solicitor to sign some paperwork. She tried to pry me for more information but I told her we would tell her all about it when we got back."

Aaron raked his hands through his hair and over stubble. He needed a shave. He focused on Robert. "You're dressed."

"Unfortunately," Robert said reluctantly when the sheets pooled around Aaron's waist. "I had a shower. I was going to wake you to see if you wanted to join me, but you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you up. I know you haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks." He leaned over to nip at Aaron's bottom lip. "And I like watching you sleep."

Aaron swore softly. "Don't you start. We don't have time." Damn that smile, Aaron thought and almost gave in to grabbing Robert by the collar of his shirt and pulling him back down to the bed, but they were already running behind. He got out of bed and pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a shirt and walked into the bathroom.

Pleased with himself, Robert grinned and leaned against the door frame. “You sure you’re okay with this?” 

“You’ve asked me that a million times since last night,” Aaron said as he sprayed on cologne and turned off the light. He wasn’t annoyed at Robert, but exhaustion and lack of caffeine was making him edgy. 

“Sorry,” Robert said, and dropped the subject. “Hey.” He pulled Aaron against him. “In case you didn’t know, I’m crazy about you. I never tell you that enough. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Aaron sank into the kiss and felt all the apprehension that had been heavy on his mind fade. He knew they were doing the right thing, it felt right. Today their family would be complete. “And in case you didn’t know, I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You’re still a nightmare, but I love you.”

"I love you too," Robert said. “Let’s go meet our son.”


	6. Chapter 6

_**1 year later - July 30, 2024** _

If someone had told Robert when he was serving life in prison that he would be here right now, living this life, he would have called them crazy, that there was no way he was ever getting out. And even if he was lucky enough to get out early, Aaron would have moved on, he would have found love with someone else. Robert never expected him to wait.

But he had been wrong about that too.

If someone would have told him that he would have married Aaron  _ again _ and that they would have three kids of their own, he would have told them to get their head checked for brain damage because there was no way he was that lucky.

But he was, and he never took a day for granted.

Today's a special day, one that they never let pass without stopping by their lay-by. Sometimes they just stop for a few minutes, others the sentimental pull is so strong that they end up making out in the back seat of the car. But this year is different. This year the kids are with them and it feels like everything has come full circle.

July 30, 2018, was an important day in their history, just like many others. 

_ The Jinx Proposal,  _ that's what they'd termed it. It was funny to think about now, six years later. Back then the idea of having kids of their own was a pipe dream. Seb had just been a baby then and now he was about to turn six. Olivia was three and Noah was almost two. Life was hectic and often they wondered what they had been thinking taking on raising three kids, but it was their life and they loved every minute. And it beat the empty life Aaron thought he would live after Robert had gone to prison. Looking back, there was no way either of them could have predicted this is how their lives would go.

To have this, all of this, was a blessing. It only made them appreciate these moments more. It only strengthened the love they had for each other.

Both of them alone, Robert in his prison cell and Aaron at the Mill, was a distant memory. 

Robert remembers a darker time when everything was bleak when he was living a hollow existence inside a prison cell. He had thought his life was over. But then he had gotten the news that Lee was alive and everything changed for him. Then he had made the choice to finally man up and call Aaron after seven months of no contact.

He can still hear the first words out of Aaron's mouth, he can still remember the way his heart caught in his throat when he heard Aaron's voice.

_ Whoever the hell this is, you better have a good reason for phoning me at this ungodly hour. _

But near the end of that first conversation, Aaron had whispered the words that Robert had been so desperate to hear.  _ Even if you were going to be locked up for the rest of your life, I didn’t want anyone else. I still don’t. _

Robert shut his eyes; he could still remember writing those letters to Aaron, the ones Aaron still kept in the table by their bed.  _ I love you. Nothing and nobody, not even time, will change that.  _

He could still remember every word like he had written them yesterday, even though four years had passed.

_ Please. If any part of you still loves me, still wants me, please don't give up on me. I can't lose you. You're everything. _

Aaron had never given up on him. Their love for each other was stronger now than it had ever been. And this year had been the toughest. Dealing with Rebecca's death and the aftermath, getting custody of Noah. It hadn't been easy for Seb. There had been a lot of dark days, and sometimes Robert had wondered how they would get through it, but they did. Together.

Just like they always did.

Each of their children had a different reaction when Robert pulled the car over onto the side of the road.

Olivia frowned, she was cranky from the car ride and just wanted to go home.

Seb, who at six was had the faintest hint of freckles on the bridge of his nose sighed dramatically. He knew this particular spot was special to his dads, but didn't really understand why.

Noah was too preoccupied with his teething ring in his mouth to care.

Robert felt the familiar tug that had become a constant whenever Aaron looked at him. He never imagined that so many years later he would still feel this way every time they came here. He thinks back to the first time when he faked his car breaking down just to get Aaron alone. That had been the start of this roller coaster ride, the one he wouldn't change for anything in the world.

He thinks Aaron hasn't changed much. He's still grumpy and sarcastic, and makes his blood pump. He still wants to push Aaron against the car and show him just what effect he still has.

But it's harder to find the time with three kids.

Robert helped Olivia out of the car while Aaron unbuckled Noah from his car seat. 

It had been almost ten years and still, all it took was one look at Aaron and Robert wanted him just as much as he did that day when he was trying so hard to fight who he was and what he wanted.

"What are we doing here? Why can't we just go home," Seb complained.

"Today is a special day," Robert said, leaning against the side of the car. "On this day six years your dad and I proposed to each other."

"I know. You've told me this story before." Seb still didn't see what the big deal was. They were married now, why did they have to reminisce about this every year? It was insignificant.

Robert and Aaron shared a grin with each other as they both remembered.

"It's important to us to come here, to look back," Aaron said. "You know your dad and I have gone through a lot, especially these last few years."

"I know." Seb sighed with a dramatic effect. "Dad went to prison, he came back, you got back together blah blah blah."

Robert could laugh about it now. At the time, it hadn't been so funny. He had been a coward, an idiot back then. He couldn't think about where he'd be now instead of here if Aaron hadn't been so forgiving. "And we got you back. Then we got married again, then came to Olivia, then Noah. We've come a long way, your dad and I. It's important to celebrate the little things, moments that we can look back on that makes us smile."

"But it's just a road," Seb said, still not understanding why this spot was so special. Maybe he'll never understand, but he wants to try because his dads saved him and he owes them so much. But his emotions have been all over the place since his mum died and he still doesn't know how to express how he feels like he should. He hates that he can't, but he knows they understand and they never try and force him to stop being sad and they give him space when he needs it. He loves them for that even though he doesn't always show it.

"It's more than just a road." With Noah almost fast asleep in his arms, Aaron turned to Seb. "It's a big part of who we are, what got us here, and we want to share it with our kids. You're part of that story, too."

Seb struggled with coming up with the right words to explain how much that meant to him, especially after he'd been so rotten lately, so instead he just wrapped his arms around Aaron while Olivia covered Robert's face in sloppy kisses.

Now that he thought about it, Seb could see what his dads were saying, and how symbolic this place was, why it meant so much to them. "I get it," Seb said, feeling guilty for how he had acted. He was lucky, Seb thought. He had friends whose parents were unhappy or divorced. He would never have to experience any of that. His dads had already been through the worst, and they were still together. They just weren't one without the other, even at six, Seb knew that. "So just kiss and get it over with so we can go home."

Robert and Aaron both laughed.

"Come on, then," Robert said. "Kiss me, you idiot."

Aaron grinned just like he did that day. But this time he had a baby in his arms as he leaned over and kissed his husband.

"We can celebrate our anniversary properly when these munchkins are in bed," Aaron said.

Robert grinned. He couldn't wait.


End file.
